I think one of the better rules to have for oneself is not to blog when you are feeling downhearted. It seems that it would be easy to say things you do not mean - sitting at the computer it's easy to forget that what you write is available for all to read. You cannot explain later "that's not what I really feel; or I felt that way then, but after I thought about it I realized that I was over-dramatizing it." A wise person knows when to remain silent.
But today I am downhearted. I know why, but I will at least be wise enough not to enumerate reasons 1 - 10 for feeling as if "all these things are against me." It is enough to say that sometimes things do not turn out the way you want them to, and some things you can do nothing about. And it makes you want to cry.
Over the past year, I have searched out the scriptures. I just needed to know "why" to so many things. Last fall, a favorite study was in the book of Job. I learned several things about God in that book, such as that there are scenes played out in heaven that I know nothing about, that God is over all and answers to no one, and that even though Job was just in God's sight, He still allowed almost unbelievable tragedy to come into Job's life (by the way, Job was rewarded in the end, but he never received an explanation from God).
I came out of that study with a favorite passage - one that I will quote:
"Look, God shows Himself exalted by His power.
Who is a teacher like Him?
Who has appointed His way for Him, and who has declared, "You have done wrong"?
Remember that you should praise His work, which people have sung about.
All mankind has seen it;
people have looked at it from a distance.
Look, God is exalted beyond our knowledge; the number of His years cannot be counted."
Job 36:22-26 HCSV
The idea of God as a teacher was new to me - I suppose I had heard it taught many times, but when I read it last fall it opened up a new line of thought for me. God is teaching us. A good teacher knows what needs to be taught and will craft the lesson to both involve and lead the student to the desired outcome. God's ultimate goal is to conform us to the image of Christ. Over the course of our life (a course that is individualized rather than universal), He presents us with lessons on how to live in accordance to His will (that Christ be formed in us), gives us examples of both successes and failures in the lives of others, and then tests our understanding by putting us through various trials. The trials test our understanding - they show what is in our heart, and if we are wise, they drive us to the feet of the Master Teacher. My desire is to do well in these tests, and to truly learn the lessons as they are presented to me the first time. But even if I fail a test, there is comfort in knowing that no matter what, there is a rhyme and reason behind the bewildering circumstances of life.
There's so much more I want to write about this topic, but I really don't want to be so serious minded in all my posts. If I knew how, I'd post photos of my garden spot with glowing reports of what I've already done in preparation for the new season; the new ideas I want to try; what my plans are for fruit production and the laments I have about the pitiful state of my orchard. But I'm home all alone at the moment without anyone to show me how to do it. So maybe by next time, I'll have some fun stuff posted. Until then, just know that I know that the down feeling I have is just that - a feeling, and it is already passing.
As a side note, I did quote the passage from a version other than the KJV. My final standard and authority is the KJV. Do not make assumptions about why I used this version today, or why I have it in the first place. Someday I might explain, but not today.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Change
"All growth requires change." I am not good with change. There is a comfort in things remaining the same, and I am all about the comfortable things in life. But change is necessary if there is to be growth, and I have learned that it is good to stretch one's horizons. What does this have to do with anything - I'm not sure. This blog is a change for me. I have had more than one person ask me to write a blog for well over a year, and I have resisted. There have been a variety of reasons (I didn't know how to set up a site; no one would be interested; what would I write about; I don't want to embarrass my family, but they are the only ones I know well enough to write about, etc.) But here I am with a forum all my own. I hope I do well, and that my heart will be seen by those whose good opinion matters most to me.
I am a Navy wife. My husband retired over ten years ago, so perhaps I am now a retired Navy wife - whatever that means. We married when he was half way through his career, so I only had the military lifestyle for about ten years. Most military families move alot, but not us. We met in Memphis while he was stationed at Millington Naval Base for training. We moved to Virginia Beach when he had to return to sea duty, and spent almost 9 years in that area. On his final tour of duty, he had to move to Patuxent River, MD. We considered his commuting to work (spending the week in MD, and coming home on weekends) but decided that it would be better to keep the family together. We had three children, and I was expecting our fourth at time time. So we rented our home (which we planned to come back to after he retired), applied for base housing and packed up our family and moved.
We fell in love with Maryland. The country was rolling hills, with lots of trees and was surrounded by water. The base we were stationed at was located in St. Mary's county, a rural area around 60 miles south of DC. (My love for this county will be a repeating theme in my posts, I'm sure). It had a strong influence from several things - the watermen and life on the bay, the military base with it's ever-changing population, and a thriving Mennonite/Amish community. There were farmer's markets, and antique shops. It was in this area that I became a country girl. I had grown up in Memphis, and then lived in Virginia Beach. In Maryland, we were able to by land - six and a half acres. We were in the country, but not the deep country. We were centrally located in the county, and I think had the best location, being close to libraries, parks, the hospital ( a mere five minutes from our home). It was here that we first had goats, and chickens and rabbits. I have to laugh, because we really didn't know what we were doing, but it was fun. The home we bought had belonged to a Mennonite family, and they had grown much of their own food. Why does this matter? I reaped the benefits in having a well prepared garden spot. Needless to say, we sold our home in VA, and settled down in Maryland. But I never felt like we would stay there forever. I don't know why, but in the back of my mind, I always knew there would come a time when we had to leave.
That time came almost five years ago. My husband worked for a company that was about to go under. He was having a hard time finding another job in the area. Our kids were growing up and at an age where they would start leaving home and settling down (once they did this, we would not want to leave them, no matter what). The county was changing, and the life we loved would not be as easily within reach for our children. Our parents were getting older, and we had not had much time with them while living on the east coast. For several months, I had been praying about life, wondering what to do next. Our pastor had preached a sermon that had really intrigued me some time before. It was about Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. One of things in the passage was that Solomon told Sheba all of her questions, the idea being that she didn't even know all that she wanted to ask, and he was able to answer even her unspoken questions. Of course, this applied to our relationship to the Lord, as He is able to answer the questions we can't put into words. I would get up early each morning and walk around my back yard and pray. It's funny, because after walking, I would sit in an old swing and continue praying, looking over the trees to the spot in the sky where I met with God. It sounds funny, but that was where I met with God. Almost daily, I would pray and ask God to tell me my questions - I didn't even know what to pray, what to ask for. I just knew that change was in the air. When my husband approached me about moving, I knew that this was what God had been preparing me for, and was willing to move, even though I really don't like to change. Our adventures upon arrival in Al will have to wait for another posting. Let's just say, it was an interesting time in our lives.
So why write about this? In the past couple of weeks, I started pulling together my tea pots and cups, putting them within easy reach. While I lived in Virginia, I had a close friend introduce me to the idea of having tea parties. Each week, we would meet at her home while the kids were away at a homeschool co-op. For just under an hour, we would drink hot tea, eat muffins or cookies, and discuss a wide range of issues. It was one of my favorite memories. Some time later, when this friend moved back to her home state, my heart absolutely broke. I must have cried for weeks after they left. She was simply one of the best friends I have ever had. But she left a legacy in my life - the tea party. In Maryland, I again had friends I would meet with once a month at my home. We would drink tea, eat cookies, cross stitch, and solve the world's problems over the course of several delicious hours. The girls would go to their bedrooms and talk, while the boys explored the woods. Again, some of my best memories and some of my best friends.
It's not the tea party that is important; it's the ability to be open with people, to be transparent. I don't like change - and to be transparent scares me. But I am finally ready to open up the door to my heart. There can be no joy without the risk of sadness, and there can be no sweet memories to brighten our hearts without the willingness to open ourselves up to possible heartbreak. So my tea pots sit at the ready, waiting to continue a familiar service, even though the places and faces may have changed through the years, the desire for friendship remains the same.
I am a Navy wife. My husband retired over ten years ago, so perhaps I am now a retired Navy wife - whatever that means. We married when he was half way through his career, so I only had the military lifestyle for about ten years. Most military families move alot, but not us. We met in Memphis while he was stationed at Millington Naval Base for training. We moved to Virginia Beach when he had to return to sea duty, and spent almost 9 years in that area. On his final tour of duty, he had to move to Patuxent River, MD. We considered his commuting to work (spending the week in MD, and coming home on weekends) but decided that it would be better to keep the family together. We had three children, and I was expecting our fourth at time time. So we rented our home (which we planned to come back to after he retired), applied for base housing and packed up our family and moved.
We fell in love with Maryland. The country was rolling hills, with lots of trees and was surrounded by water. The base we were stationed at was located in St. Mary's county, a rural area around 60 miles south of DC. (My love for this county will be a repeating theme in my posts, I'm sure). It had a strong influence from several things - the watermen and life on the bay, the military base with it's ever-changing population, and a thriving Mennonite/Amish community. There were farmer's markets, and antique shops. It was in this area that I became a country girl. I had grown up in Memphis, and then lived in Virginia Beach. In Maryland, we were able to by land - six and a half acres. We were in the country, but not the deep country. We were centrally located in the county, and I think had the best location, being close to libraries, parks, the hospital ( a mere five minutes from our home). It was here that we first had goats, and chickens and rabbits. I have to laugh, because we really didn't know what we were doing, but it was fun. The home we bought had belonged to a Mennonite family, and they had grown much of their own food. Why does this matter? I reaped the benefits in having a well prepared garden spot. Needless to say, we sold our home in VA, and settled down in Maryland. But I never felt like we would stay there forever. I don't know why, but in the back of my mind, I always knew there would come a time when we had to leave.
That time came almost five years ago. My husband worked for a company that was about to go under. He was having a hard time finding another job in the area. Our kids were growing up and at an age where they would start leaving home and settling down (once they did this, we would not want to leave them, no matter what). The county was changing, and the life we loved would not be as easily within reach for our children. Our parents were getting older, and we had not had much time with them while living on the east coast. For several months, I had been praying about life, wondering what to do next. Our pastor had preached a sermon that had really intrigued me some time before. It was about Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. One of things in the passage was that Solomon told Sheba all of her questions, the idea being that she didn't even know all that she wanted to ask, and he was able to answer even her unspoken questions. Of course, this applied to our relationship to the Lord, as He is able to answer the questions we can't put into words. I would get up early each morning and walk around my back yard and pray. It's funny, because after walking, I would sit in an old swing and continue praying, looking over the trees to the spot in the sky where I met with God. It sounds funny, but that was where I met with God. Almost daily, I would pray and ask God to tell me my questions - I didn't even know what to pray, what to ask for. I just knew that change was in the air. When my husband approached me about moving, I knew that this was what God had been preparing me for, and was willing to move, even though I really don't like to change. Our adventures upon arrival in Al will have to wait for another posting. Let's just say, it was an interesting time in our lives.
So why write about this? In the past couple of weeks, I started pulling together my tea pots and cups, putting them within easy reach. While I lived in Virginia, I had a close friend introduce me to the idea of having tea parties. Each week, we would meet at her home while the kids were away at a homeschool co-op. For just under an hour, we would drink hot tea, eat muffins or cookies, and discuss a wide range of issues. It was one of my favorite memories. Some time later, when this friend moved back to her home state, my heart absolutely broke. I must have cried for weeks after they left. She was simply one of the best friends I have ever had. But she left a legacy in my life - the tea party. In Maryland, I again had friends I would meet with once a month at my home. We would drink tea, eat cookies, cross stitch, and solve the world's problems over the course of several delicious hours. The girls would go to their bedrooms and talk, while the boys explored the woods. Again, some of my best memories and some of my best friends.
It's not the tea party that is important; it's the ability to be open with people, to be transparent. I don't like change - and to be transparent scares me. But I am finally ready to open up the door to my heart. There can be no joy without the risk of sadness, and there can be no sweet memories to brighten our hearts without the willingness to open ourselves up to possible heartbreak. So my tea pots sit at the ready, waiting to continue a familiar service, even though the places and faces may have changed through the years, the desire for friendship remains the same.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
March 24, 2010
Hello!
As I begin this new journey into the world of blogging, I have to wonder about a few things. What do I write about? Who would want to read it? Why does it matter? And isn't it a little egotistical of me to think that anyone should care? But asking questions and pondering life is what I do best. I have a dry sense of humor that gets me in trouble all too often (people will think I'm serious when I'm being tongue in cheek). I am too much of a philosopher and too much of a "lecturer" - just ask my kids. I am not an efficient planner - or perhaps I fail to initiate my plans effectively - either way it is a serious shortcoming. I am certainly no one to pattern a life after, but I do have some interesting adventures and misfortunes in pursuit of my interests.
I have five children ranging in age from 11 to 25. I have 1 grand-baby, and am expecting my second grand-baby in October (incidentally my favorite month of the year). I am amazed at how fast time flies - it seems like just yesterday my friends and I were announcing our own pregnancies and planning nurseries, names, etc. Now it's grandchildren being announced, and I sit back and watch as nurseries and names are planned and discussed.
I am married to Eric, a wonderful and patient man who gives me enough rope to hang myself on most projects. He says he'd tell me what to do if he thought it would matter. He believes I'll do what I want to do, and I believe he is right. But I think I know his heart and try to keep my projects and plans in line with what he wants for his home and family.
The primary driving force of my life is my faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I became a Christian almost 30 years ago. It was a time when I was deciding what path I would take in life, when God opened my eyes to the truth of the gospel, and gave me the faith to accept Jesus' payment for my sins. I have never regretted my decision to accept Christ as my Savior, and have grown to love and trust Him more as the years have passed.
The best habit I have developed through the years is a daily reading in the book of Proverbs. I have read a chapter a day (corresponding with the day's date) for over five years now, missing only a handful of days. At first it was very painful as I recognized so many foolish mistakes I had made through out the years, then it became preventive and instructive. Another good habit is to read through the Psalms in much the same way (5 Psalms a day; for example, today I would read Psalm 24, 54, 84, 114, 144). That takes you through Psalms in a month, and in it you see God's heart, and will recognize many of your own emotions in response to life's trials. You realize that you are not alone or unique in your emotions; that fears, uncertainties, hopes, desires, faith and joys are common responses to life. And that God is there through it all.
So there you have it, my first post on my new blog. I am technically challenged, so I will have to have my children help me figure out how to post pictures, etc., but at least we have a beginning.
As I begin this new journey into the world of blogging, I have to wonder about a few things. What do I write about? Who would want to read it? Why does it matter? And isn't it a little egotistical of me to think that anyone should care? But asking questions and pondering life is what I do best. I have a dry sense of humor that gets me in trouble all too often (people will think I'm serious when I'm being tongue in cheek). I am too much of a philosopher and too much of a "lecturer" - just ask my kids. I am not an efficient planner - or perhaps I fail to initiate my plans effectively - either way it is a serious shortcoming. I am certainly no one to pattern a life after, but I do have some interesting adventures and misfortunes in pursuit of my interests.
I have five children ranging in age from 11 to 25. I have 1 grand-baby, and am expecting my second grand-baby in October (incidentally my favorite month of the year). I am amazed at how fast time flies - it seems like just yesterday my friends and I were announcing our own pregnancies and planning nurseries, names, etc. Now it's grandchildren being announced, and I sit back and watch as nurseries and names are planned and discussed.
I am married to Eric, a wonderful and patient man who gives me enough rope to hang myself on most projects. He says he'd tell me what to do if he thought it would matter. He believes I'll do what I want to do, and I believe he is right. But I think I know his heart and try to keep my projects and plans in line with what he wants for his home and family.
The primary driving force of my life is my faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I became a Christian almost 30 years ago. It was a time when I was deciding what path I would take in life, when God opened my eyes to the truth of the gospel, and gave me the faith to accept Jesus' payment for my sins. I have never regretted my decision to accept Christ as my Savior, and have grown to love and trust Him more as the years have passed.
The best habit I have developed through the years is a daily reading in the book of Proverbs. I have read a chapter a day (corresponding with the day's date) for over five years now, missing only a handful of days. At first it was very painful as I recognized so many foolish mistakes I had made through out the years, then it became preventive and instructive. Another good habit is to read through the Psalms in much the same way (5 Psalms a day; for example, today I would read Psalm 24, 54, 84, 114, 144). That takes you through Psalms in a month, and in it you see God's heart, and will recognize many of your own emotions in response to life's trials. You realize that you are not alone or unique in your emotions; that fears, uncertainties, hopes, desires, faith and joys are common responses to life. And that God is there through it all.
So there you have it, my first post on my new blog. I am technically challenged, so I will have to have my children help me figure out how to post pictures, etc., but at least we have a beginning.
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