Of Gardens and Bees

I've almost got the garden all planted. Just a very small section needs to be tilled, then comes the final push to get all the spring "crops" planted. My plans grow in grandeur with each trip to the garden section, and I find myself wanting to till up more and more of the yard. I felt it again this spring, and I'm determined to use a more intensive planting method to maximize my yields instead of nagging the life out of my hubby.

Next year, I hope to expand my raised beds and lasagna garden beds, making yearly tilling unnecessary. I wish I had the energy needed to run a market garden. I think it is something I'd really enjoy. I'm not so sure I'd enjoy farmer's markets, though, where we all sit in our little corners selling the same things for the same price. Instead, I envision a small shop where loyal customers could drop by and purchase their produce...much like the Mennonite stands I loved so much in Maryland. Sometimes I think I'm trying to recreate that little slice of Maryland. It's one of the things I fell in love with while living there.

Recreating...that's what I'm trying to do...recreate a time and feeling that I loved. It's more than a market garden. It's more than homemade breads and jams, and the homey crafts. It's a feeling. There are many things I love about living in the south again, but I will forever miss this aspect of life that I felt in Maryland, and Ohio (where my in-laws lived for many years), and Pennsylvania. Is it the Amish influence? Is it small town Americana. I don't know how to describe it. Maybe it's more a time than a place that I'm looking for...a time of young children and innocence and problems that only seemed big at the time. I just hope that in all my efforts to recreate, I don't forget to live in the here and now. I'm more of a project girl than a people girl. I use my projects to reach out to people, but I'm afraid that it looks more like I use projects to avoid people. But enough philosophical ramblings.

My next big challenge to avoid will be bee-keeping. For some reason, it is appealing to me more this spring. I thought I could avoid it, seeing as I thought I'd have to shop for equipment online. But yesterday, I found bee-keeping equipment for sale in a local store, right down to the hives themselves. This will make avoiding it hard, because I know I can walk right into that store and buy what I need on a whim. My children are against it, and I think I might kill my hubby if I don't stop coming up with more and more homesteading stuff to do. Restraint is the word for the day when it comes to bee-keeping. Maybe I'll just buy a book about it =)

Four Years Ago

It's been four years since the April 27th tornado outbreak. To be truthful, I had forgotten until later in the day when I saw some fb posts about it. Four years. So much has changed in four years.

Four years ago, Ben was taking classes from Amy. They were supposed to meet for classes that day, but we cancelled when the first round of storms came through. Today, it was Sara who was in class with Amy, and today's weather couldn't have been  nicer.

In the last four years:
Jeremiah was born.
Rebekah was married.
Rachel left home.
Ben and Sara entered high school.
I had cancer twice.
Daddy died.
And that is only a partial list.

It's hard to believe. Four years ago, cancer wasn't even on my radar screen. I probably had it growing inside me, but I didn't know it.
Four years ago, I "casually" called mom to talk on this day, because I wasn't sure how the day would end. I remember talking to her when I heard that a tornado was on the ground and headed my direction. For the first time in a long time, a storm had me scared. I didn't know what to do...but I had talked to my mama - just in case.
Four years ago, after the storms had done their worst and we were trying to get in touch with everyone, we couldn't call each other in town. We could call Memphis, and mom and dad could call the others and relay info. Mom and Dad to the rescue, as always.
Four years ago, I could talk to my daddy. I'll not do that again.
Four years ago, I could not see how things would play out. I was caught completely off-guard.

I'm not going to lie. The last few years have been the hardest of my life. I had a cluster of completely heart breaking things happen, each was enough to break my heart by itself, but the events kept piling on one after another. I'm not the only one to experience such a period of time. I think it must come to everyone. But I thought I'd get by without having to go through it. For a while, I cried and cried. Then I learned not to cry.

I'm focusing on the sad as I write. Much good has come in the same time period. and I'm in a happy place now. It has been good for me to walk through these fires that have purged my soul and shown me my own shortcomings. The important thing, I think, is you just don't know how a day is going to end. And that's one lesson I learned four years ago, today.

Voice

I've lost my "voice". When I began blogging years ago, it was easy. It was an outlet in a crazy season of life. When I first entered that season, it wasn't so hard, but then the years went on, and life got harder rather than easier. I held so much inside, and finally ended up with breast cancer. I believe cancer in general, and more specifically breast cancer, is the body's response to too much stress. And suppressed stress is the worst.

I enjoy writing, and connecting with folks through the written word in a way I find difficult by simply talking. Friends have encouraged me to blog. It doesn't come easily anymore. In trying to find my "niche" in the blogosphere, I've lost my "voice", and I'm trying too hard to find it. On another site, I have started writing again, and posting to fb when a post is complete. That feels so vain. So I will begin again, quietly and without trying to attract attention, to write on this site again.

Are there ever days when you have "opinions" about everything. Yesterday was a day like that for me. I woke up, and felt pushed all day long. I felt disappointed - not about the day's activities, some of which I was really looking forward to, but about events in life that had disappointed me to my core. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever get over the disappointments (or the surprise at how things turned out). I was a true believer that if you did x then y would be the result. But there were other variables that I did not take into account.

Now, overall, my life has been good. I'm not complaining, really. I'm just trying to work out the disappointments so that they do not continually come back to haunt me. One thing I have learned along the way is that everyone has these disappointments, even those who choose to keep quiet and hide them from the world. Everyone has a story, and all good stories have problems and troubles that must be overcome. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a true story, and reading it would be boring.

I love to read, but I'm not much of a fiction reader (something that needs to change). One book that I read recently is Epic, by John Eldridge. He points out that all our human stories follow a divine pattern. The master story, the one that God is writing, is one that starts out well, but has a villain and trouble enter the picture. There is struggle and heartache, but the story will resolve with the triumph of the hero (Christ). I found that a very enlightening way to look at life. And after reading it, I began to see stories everywhere.

If I succeed in finding my "voice", it will be in looking at not only my story, but the stories that surround me.

An explanation

Some time ago, in a fit of self-consciousness, I pulled a number of posting off-line and stored them in my drafts. Today I republished many of them. It leaves a confused list of posts that are no longer in order or posted with their proper dates. I want to return to blogging. Forgive the confusion while I try to relearn this program and begin again.

This past week has been a full one. I decided to take my two youngest children to Vacation Bible School at Madison Baptist Church. Our church does not do a VBS, and the churches in my immediate area use purchased programs which are nice, but a little too contemporary for my liking (OK - alot too contemporary, but I hold my nose and let them go anyways). The VBS put on by Madison is similar to the ones we did in our Maryland church. Although the church is a 45 min. drive from my home, I wanted to take them one last time (they age out this year). Because of the distance, I stay in town when we do this. This year was a little different, because we have more employed drivers than cars at the moment, so we had to do some juggling to make sure everyone was where they needed to be at the right time, and no one got stuck in town for a long time after they were off work. This was also a week when both I and my youngest son had our new patient doctor's appointments, conventially scheduled for 3pm. So, after bible school, we would go home for lunch, and to drop off whoever did not need to go back into town. Then I (and whoever needed to go) would leave the house to drive back to Madison to pick up whoever was getting off at two, then we would drive into Huntsville, where we were dropped off at the doctor's and the employee of the day would get to take my car and go home. Eric would meet us at the doctor's and take us home. One day during the week, Sara lost a filling in one of her teeth. This gave us the "opportunity" go to the dentist after VBS. That day we left my car with Rachel at Chick-fil-a, and I took the van and had to come back to pick Eric up. It was just a crazy, crazy week.

While we were at the dentist, he asked about our water - was it city or well water? Why well water, of course. Apparently, this is not a good thing in our dentist's mind, because he gave me a perscription for a strong flouride toothpaste. I like knowing that we were not getting flouride or other additives in our water, but I probably will get the toothpaste. I am not a militant anti-flouride type person. I think, used in moderation, it probably does improve tooth strength. To tell the truth, I just don't have a strong opinion on the matter.

It is a good thing that I do not have to earn my keep by my computer skills. I have spent almost an hour trying to upload photos to this blog. As you can see, I am unsuccessful. It just means that I will have to get someone to show me what to do (again). But I will master this.

Eric and I recently went to the Discover Awana conference just outside of Chicago. This was really a nice trip, and one I was glad to be able to take. The conference covered so many different topics. Eric was able to focus on what's new for the T & T program while my thoughts were more personal. Awana is very focused on their goal of reaching children with the gospel, therefore, everything they do is intentional. My take away, at least in part, is to develop an intentional attitude. What is it that I "intend" to accomplish, and how do I do it?

Eric and I spent the last week at the AWANA headquarters attending the Discover Awana conference. We arrived last Saturday, and left there yesterday (Wednesday afternoon). I have to say that the whole trip was wonderful. The folks at Awana were first rate, and we were treated very well. The days were full, and we learned so much that it will be hard to retain it.


These are a couple of photos that I took while at the headquarters.

On Sunday afternoon our hosts took us to downtown Chicago. This is me standing on Navy Pier with the Chicago skyline in the background. I caught Eric off guard with this picture as we were going into one of the shops